Purpose

Commgroup was thought provoking. I didn't add much to the discussion though that isn't unusual for me. The discussion was over the teaching this past Sunday. While I missed church the discussion got me thinking. We discussed God's purpose for our lives. God created each of us as individuals with an individual purpose in this life and gave us each a unique set of skills and talents to use towards those purposes. But what are those purposes? How do we know God's purpose for our life? Based on both the discussion, reading and personal thoughts here are my ideas on the subject. I believe God has a purpose for us, I don't think it has to be just a single purpose for our entire life. I do believe that He can have a different purpose for different stages of our lives. How do we discern what His purpose is? I'm not sure we are ever supposed to know for sure. I think that we are supposed to be constantly seeking after him to find out. But I do believe we get cues as to the general direction. They are in the way we are made. The desires God places in our heart, the skills and talents he gives us, the natural inclinations we have. I think these are all clues to what God intends for us. At least I hope so, it would be sick joke if God gave us these dreams and aspirations without intending for us to ever find fulfillment for them, but I believe God is good so I keep my hope alive. As much as I hate to share, I feel it necessary to share my goals and aspirations to further the discussion. I have no knack for conversation. I am not able to have a conversation with someone and leave being close friends. I wish I was a social butterfly able to pour into peoples lives. I'm not, what I can do, what I have always done is work. When I am nervous in a social situation I look for something to do. It is why at parties I look to help in the kitchen or wash dishes. There is comfort for me in working, a purity of spirit that comes from pouring my effort into a task. I enjoy helping people. I enjoy working hard towards a tangible goal especially if I have someone working alongside me. I believe that God has a purpose for me that includes that love of work. It is part of the reason I chose my career path as I believe it may help me in that purpose. I have been thinking about that since I started college and had to figure out what my major was. It seemed so clear when I first started down this road but the closer I get to the real world the fuzzier it seems to get.
Closer to my heart is my desire to be a father. I don't know what it is, and I feel weird admitting it, but I would like nothing better than to have a family to support and love. Partly I think I want the chance to be as cool a father as my dad is. I don't want it tomorrow, and I am determined to go about it with dignity and in a Christlike way. Of course I have no idea what that looks like. It frustrates me to no end. It is one of the stronger desires of my heart, I'm sure God has placed it there for a reason, but it is the one thing I have no idea how to reach for. I know that I need to start by getting married and then family will come, but how do I find and capture the heart of a godly woman when I have no idea how to go about it? It frustrates the heck out of me. I am at a point in my life where I could reasonably meet someone and get married. I have friends getting married this weekend. If I found the right girl I would get married tomorrow, but how do I get there when I don't even know how to go about dating a girl. Maybe this is going to be an area of my life where God wants to work, because as I am utterly hopeless without Him. Or maybe I need to take more initiative. Most likely it will be a bit of both, God working the circumstances to nudge me into taking the initiative. I just hope I figure it out sooner rather than later. I already know an amazing godly young woman, but circumstances have urged caution and so I play it cool and hope for an opportunity to.... ... to what? Well enough ranting, it is late so I will end this by saying a prayer. I pray that God grants me the wisdom to know his purpose for me life, and the courage to follow where he may lead. Amen.